Autism Frustration- My frustration with trying to have deep relationships with people

After my releasing my blog article about my experience with the great American eclipse and my business dream it is time I start talking about my frustrations of being autistic. One of my biggest frustrations on being autistic is trying to have deep relationships with people. It seams that people think that because I don’t express my emotions the same as everyone else, means that I don’t have the same emotions as everyone else. That is not true. One big area this causes me frustration is me trying to make friends and get people to do fun things with me. Ever since I was in 8th grade I have wanted a girlfriend. Unfortunately my years of trying have been very frustrating. Its not these girls not wanting to be my girlfriend that is so frustrating, but its that getting them to be my friend and do fun things with me is so hard. While trying to get a girlfriend is frustrating for a lot of guys, it is extra frustrating being autistic and trying to get a girlfriend. My autism makes it hard to have deep relationships with people, which puts a big damper on me trying to get a girlfriend. In high school I crushed on many girls and I managed to get a date for all of the school dances even though I had a lot of girls say no. Though I made many great high school memories, I never did get a girlfriend in high school. One thing that was nice about high school was it provided me a great way to meet people. There were lots of people around me every day to talk to. In 2013 I graduated from high school with a core 40. Unfortunately after the high school and the graduation fun was over, that great high school social life was gone. I was left with not much of a way to meet people. Facebook became my main means of keeping in touch with those I knew from high school and those that I would meet. Of the many girls I have crushed on only one of them have became an actual girlfriend. In September of 2015 after about 6 ½ years of trying to get a girlfriend, I finally got my first girlfriend. Unfortunately the relationship didn’t go good and after only a month of dating she lost interest and dumped me. One thing that was very annoying with her is that she would say yes to doing fun things with me and then cancel on me at the last minute. If a girl is my girlfriend and she says yes to doing something fun with me I should be able to get excited about it with out wondering if she is going to cancel on me, but with as much as I can complain about what she did wrong, I wasn’t a great boyfriend ether. One thing that made me not as good of a boyfriend was she would call me and try to have a good conversation with me, but I would just end up joking around saying that she loves me because I just couldn’t get out what I wanted to say or what I knew she wanted to hear. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was part of the reason that she broke up with me. My autism made it hard for me to have that deep relationship that we both wanted. This is also a problem I have when I hang out with girls I crush on and just friends. I also do the you love me stuff with some of the girls I crush on. I say that to the girls I crush on because I wish that they loved me and wanted to be my girlfriend and I want to have a deep relationship and good conversions with them, but my autism just make it hard. When I crush on a girl, I picture me and her doing fun things like riding bikes, riding the rollercoasters at Six flags, hiking at the Indiana dunes, watching fireworks, jamming out at music festivals, looking at Christmas lights and other fun things together. Sometimes I imagine myself proposing to my future wife, kissing her under the 4th of July fireworks, giving her that New Year kiss and saying our vows at our wedding. Then comes reality, I message people asking them to do fun things with me and 9 times out of 10 they ether ignore me, say no, or say yes and then cancel on me later on. My attempts to get people to do fun things with me fail so often that people are surprised when I do get someone to do something fun with me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that life happens and sometimes people are just too busy to some of the fun things I ask them to do, but sometimes I feel like people ignore me or say that the have to work to get out doing these things with me. It is especially frustrating when people ignore messages. It’s like what, I’m not important enough to respond too? It would be very quick and easy to just type no. When a girl does say yes to doing something fun with me, then comes the fear of getting canceled on. I would say that almost half the time it happens. I would say that almost every time I have plans to do something with a girl, my mom ends up asking me if she canceled on me as the time gets closer. It is very frustrating and makes me feel unwanted have so many people say no to doing fun things with me and ignore me whether it is with girlfriend intentions or not. It is frustrating that most of the girls I crush on wont even give me a chance at being their friend, let alone boyfriend. Another thing that is frustrating is that with as much as I message friends asking them to do fun things with me, is no one ever messages me up asking me to do fun things with them. It isn’t just the girlfriend situation that is made harder by my autism, but also having deep relationships with my family and other people in my life. Not only has my autism caused me to not be as good of a boyfriend to my ex girlfriend as I wanted to be, but it as also causes me to not be as good of a son to my mom, a brother to my sisters, and a uncle to my nephews as I want to be. I wish that I could be having better conversations and deeper relationships with them, but my autism makes it hard. My brother in law once made a good point. Just imagine wanting to talk to some one about and having that voice in your head saying don’t talk about it. That is something I deal with all of the time and is very frustrating. People just don’t seem to understand this frustration since it is hard for me to express it and sometimes people make me out to have problems because of it. Me having a hard time expressing how I feel makes it easy for people to slide me under rug and ignore me and not understand my frustration. I am hoping that this blog post will help bring understanding to this frustration. Like I said earlier in this post, after graduating from high school I was left with not much of a way to meet people. To help with this situation, I started a social group for adults with disabilities called the N.W.I. Differentiability Club in hopes of meeting other people with disabilities that I could be good friends with. In December of 2015 I had my first social group meeting. To this day still run the social group. With this group I hope to not just help myself, but help other adults with disabilities make friends. If you know an adult with a disability who has a hard time making friends and lives near Griffith Indiana, feel free to tell them about the group. You can find more info about the group and upcoming group meetings here on my website. I also have a Facebook group for the group that is called nwi differentiability club.

A picture I drew of me getting married. Hopefully this will become a reality within the next few years. 

A picture I drew of me getting married. Hopefully this will become a reality within the next few years. 

© James Leslie - Autistic Eye Art-The world through at autistic eye.
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