If you have read my blog post about my frustration with being autistic and trying to have deep relationships with people, you know that I have a big desire to get married someday. I spent several years unhappy about life and on the hunt for a relationship, thinking that one would make me happier. I had many failed crushes and a failed relationship. Then a few months after breaking up with my ex girlfriend, I read a blog post on relrules.com about not being ready for a relationship which you can read here. it helped me see where I was wrong when it came to relationships. After reading that, I have decided to write my own post with more signs that your not ready for a relationship that you should know. If you are failing to get into a happy relationship, it’s probably because you are not ready for a relationship.
1. your not happy
Are you unhappy about life and thinking that a relationship is the way to happiness? That is how a lot of people are. If your not happy with being single, then you can expect to be happy in a relationship. This was one thing that I learned from dating my ex girlfriend. I definitely came into that relationship very unhappy about my life, and while it made me happy at first, it wasn’t long before the beginning of relationship high wore off and I was back to being unhappy again. That is how it is for a lot of people.
2. you think that a relationship is everything
Do you feel incomplete without a boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you only happy when you are in a relationship? If so, you are not ready for a relationship. A relationship is supposed to enhance your life not be your life. You need to feel happy and complete without the need of a relationship before you think about sharing your life with someone else.
3. you want to be saved
Are you trying to get into a relationship in hopes to be saved from a bad life? If so you are not ready for a relationship. a relationship will not save you from a bad life, they can not fix all your problems. seek that fulfillment of a savior through god, not through a relationship.
4. you want to save someone
just as you shouldn’t expect to be saved by a relationship, you should expect to save someone with a relationship ether. if you want to make a difference in someone’s life, then tell them about god. if they listen to you it might make a big difference. sometimes a christian will date a non christian in hopes of opening them to god. you can do that without dating them. if you are a christian, is is important to date someone that is also a christian. remember the path to hell is paved with good intentions. if you date someone in hopes of saving then, chances are they will not be saved in the end.
5. you love the idea of being in love
If you are dating because you like the thought of being in love with then rather because you actually love them then you are not ready for a relationship. If you want to have a happy relationship, it is very important that you like the person for who they are and not just like them because you want to be in a relationship.
6. you focus more finding love than your interests
Is getting into a relationship your main goal in life? Do you focus on that more than anything else? Do you go to places and events in hopes of meeting someone who is relationship potential? If so then you are not ready for a relationship. One thing that will put you in a better position for a relationship is to only go to places and events that you would go to even if there wasn’t any chance of meeting someone that is relationship potential
7. you feel pressured
Are you trying to get into a relationship because you feel pressured because a lot of your friends are married or in a relationship? Or maybe and event is coming up that you don’t want to be single for? If you are trying to get into a relationship to impress others, you are not ready for one. I’m not one who feels pressured to get into a relationship because a lot of my friends getting married or being in a relationship, but i have because of events that i’ve wanted a girlfriend for. When i found out about about the great american eclipse in 2017, which you can read about my experience with it here, i wanted to watch it with a girlfriend. I ended up watching it single but it was still a great experience. A time that a lot of people feel pressured to get into a relationship is valentines day. If you are single this valentines day, there are some good advantages to it. Eharmony.com has a good article on that which you can read here. They also have a good article on not being ready for a relationship, which you can read here.
8. your unsure about you feelings
Have you ever asked someone out or had someone ask you out, you or they say yes, but then find yourself looking for reasons to love them or maybe you like them, but there is something in the back of your mind that doesn’t feel right? If so you shouldn’t. when god sends you the right person you will know. you won’t have to look for reasons to love them. If you are in a relationship that doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
9. you have trust issues
Do you not trust people because of getting let down over and over again? When people do nice things for you, do you question their motive rather than appreciate it? While yes, there are a lot of liars and cheaters in this world, there are also good people. Don’t date someone if you are going to kill them with insecurities. You are not going to be able to have a happy relationship if you are worrying about your partner rejecting you. also if you have trust issues then your probably not trusting in god. if you are stressing about getting into a relationship, trusting the god is handling it will help a lot. he will send the right person in when the time is right.
10. you don’t have time for yourself
Some people have a hard time making time for friends and family, yet want to be in a relationship. If are a busy person who has a hard time making time for friends and family, a relationship will just make your life harder. You can’t tell someone you love them one day then im busy the next. make sure your friends and family are happy with the time you give them before getting into a relationship.
11. your not over your ex
Do you find yourself thinking about your ex a lot? do you miss him or her. are there certain things that trigger the thoughts. Would you get back with him or her if you could? if you are still reminiscing on your ex, then you are not ready for a new relationship.some people think that getting into a new relationship will get there mind off of their ex and into a better place, but that doesnt work. if you have a break up, it is very important to taker the time to heal from it and deal with your emotions before getting into a new relationship. Having a rebound is definitely a big no.
12. you think that you can change your partner
Have you ever been in a situation where like someone, your friends and family have warned you that they are a loser, but you have written them off, thinking that you can be the one to change them? If so, you are not ready for a relationship. You can not come i to a relationship expecting to be able to change your partner. Chances are they wont end up changed in the end.
13. you’re a fake
Do you act like a different person when you are around people who are relationship potential? while it is good if you can get into a relationship that allows you to break some of your bad habits, you should not be in a relationship that requires you to change into a totally different person. when you are in a relationship with someone, it is very important that you are able to be yourself around them.
14. you love drama
If you love drama, then you are not in a position to be a relationship. People who love drama don’t get very far in life and end up sad and alone. If your love drama you will bring it into your relationship and will probably destroy it. This was definitely a problem that my ex girlfriend had. I don’t think there was a single day that we hung out together that she didn’t bring up some sort of drama. It seemed like she was always fighting with someone. It was definitely something that took happiness from our relationship.
15. you go for superficial qualities
Do you wish that your partner made more money or bought you expensive things? If so, you are not ready for a relationship. Relationships are not about money or stuff. it’s about liking each other for who they are.
16. you can’t commit
Are you afraid to commit to someone because you are worried about them rejecting you or do you look at commitment as a birdon on your freedom? If so, you are not ready for a relationship. Commitment is key if you want to have a happy relationship.
17. you can’t see when you are wrong
When there is a conflict between you and another person do you always feel like it is the other person’s fault? You are not going to be able to have a happy relationship if you cant see when you are wrong. I also talked about the importance see when you are wrong in my blog post about getting into heaven which you can read here.
18. you find yourself in the same situations over and over again
Do you find yourself in the same situations over and over again? If so that is a big sign that you need to work on yourself and are not ready for a relationship. This is definitely something that i have dealt with. I talked about that in my blog post about my frustration with being autistic and trying to have deep relationships with people, which you can read here.
19. your desperate
You are definitely not ready for a relationship if you are desperate. People who are desperate give off a bad vibe and aren’t very well liked. You can meet someone who has feelings for you and then turn them away by being desperate. Even if someone likes you despite your desperation, they are not right for you because they are desperate themselves. Being desperate is a big cause for failed relationships and a big cause for my ex-girlfriend’s and I’s failed relationship. It was definitely rushed and forced on relationship. I know that being on the hunt for girlfriend has brought me a lot of frustration that can be avoided by not looking. Stop looking for love and it will find you. Love is like a cat; leave the cat alone and it will jump right on to your lap, chase after the cat and it will get scared and run away from you. Slow and steady definitely wins the race when it comes to relationships.
20. you haven’t learned from your past relationships
We all have our failed relationships before meeting the right person. I believe that god sends us the wrong people before he sends us the right person to teach us things that we needs to know before sends us the right person. You are not ready for a relationship if you haven’t learned from your past relationships. Of course as i already mentioned one thing that i learned from me and my ex girlfriends relationship is that getting into a relationship isn’t the key to happiness. One additional thing that i learned from the relationship is that god knows what he is doing even though sometimes it may feel like he doesn’t care. Breaking up with my ex girlfriend was very hard on me. First when i got the message from her saying that she didn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore, it was very frustrating to have to go back to being single. Then 1 week after the breakup my ex girlfriend got a new boyfriend, which enhanced my frustration. Then 1 month after the breakup my ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend got engaged, which further enhanced my frustration. Then started the christmas season which even further enhanced my frustration. Then about a month and a half after the breakup i asked another girl that i knew to be my new girlfriend and she said no, which even further enhanced my frustration. With being so frustrated i prayed and begged god to send me my future wife, thinking that that would put an end to my frustration. After going to christmas events and not meeting my future wife it felt like god didn’t care that i was so frustrated, but looking back now, i am glad that god didn’t send me my future wife then. If he would have, i probably would have pushed her away with being so desperate and stressing out about my ex girlfriend. I wouldn’t want to date a girl who is in the position that i was in. also after being jealous of my ex girlfriend’s new relationship, that relationship failed as well. With as frustrating as the break up was, getting engaged with a girl and then breaking up with her would be way more frustrating. I would have to say that god knew what he was doing and thanks to him not sending me my future wife at that time, things worked out better for me in the end.
Are you failing to get into a happy relationship? If so it’s probably because you are not ready for one. If you are unhappy about life and are thinking that a relationship will make it all better, you need to find happiness without the need for a relationship be getting into one. I hope that this helps you like the relationship rules post helped me. Do you think that you are ready for a relationship?
© James Leslie – Autistic Eye Art-The world through at autistic eye.
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